2014

This cliché post is about a week late - planned to share this before the end of 2013 where we summarise the old year and talk about all the big plans we aim to have and achieve in 2014. 

Then again, better late than never right? 

So here's my summary of 2013. My thoughts are all over the place so I hope this doesn't drag too long! 

I honestly had a great year. I've gained a crazy lot of insights and exposure which I will forever be thankful for. I had my tough times - I lost support from a friend whom I thought will always be there for me, I was constantly drained and mentally exhausted, constantly haunted by the monsters in my head (battling them is a piece of shit), and my health plunged. 

I've secretly done socially-unaccepted things which I never thought I would do. But if given a choice, I will do it all over again. Because all these made me who I am today. (wah deep) 

There was this period in 2012/13 where I thought I will never ever feel strongly for anyone else ever since G, but I was proven wrong. And for that, I'm thankful and I'm blessed. I'm still learning how to love and I admit I'm absolutely horrible at it. Anyhow, glad I managed to spend another countdown with you. 

I also went through some sort of friendship crisis phase where I wondered why are my closest friends mostly males and if I generally repel girls (or my guy friends' girls) in any way. But glad I got my thoughts sorted out with the help of my greatest buds. 

Also, weird how I'm closest to the friends whom I rarely meet. But I find great comfort in these quirky friendships, you all are irreplaceable. Thank you for being patient and putting up with my flaws! 

I've grown, but I feel like I've only matured in the way I work and the way I view things professionally. I don't think I had much personal growth in terms of getting to know myself better. Half the time I'm still clueless, and sometimes I can't quite grasp the cause and reason of certain feelings. I mean I know what I want to be, I know what I want to do after I graduate, I better understand my working style and the people whom I've been working with for projects, events and camps. 

But self-discovery? Not much. 

New year resolutions are usually written down for the sake of it, hardly anyone sticks to it, which therefore defeats its purpose. I believe people always aim and plan for big things, and neglect the nitty gritty issues. But those are what that matters, isn't it?

For instance, one's ny resolution could be to have better time management. How easy it is to say that. But do you realise that you subconsciously made a choice of spending more time surfing the net than going to bed slightly earlier? If you could have some self-discipline, you will shut down your laptop earlier so you can have more rest. That's a display of better time management. But we don't do it. I don't follow it. Sometimes I can get so determined to have better time management but then the same shit happens and I'm back to Square One before I even realise it. 

Initially, I thought of trying to love more, but it is too much of a risk for me. I'm not ready for any more emotional attachments, and I'm unwilling to open my heart up to people. 

Therefore in 2014, I don't ask for much. I just want to live life to its fullest before I fly off to further my studies. I want to experience the taste of being "young, wild and free" while still sticking to my beliefs and morales. I'm reaching adulthood very soon and when that happens, I am obliged to behave like a mature being with no room for mistakes and bad decisions. Sigh. 

Additionally, I want to improve on my mental strength. I foresee that this is going to be difficult, but baby steps. 

It's only been a week, but I'm still so stoked for what is to come. So ready for 2014, I've been waiting for you!!!!!!!!!!!