Too Much, Enough

Life has been pretty good, though recently I am constantly annoyed at certain issues which I think I really need to stop bothering. Kinda having the a-little-bit-of-heaven-and-a-little-bit-of-hell phase right now, but it is okay I will get through this and I will grow stronger from this!

But just let me rant it out for a bit heh.

This probably will offend some people out there but right now I couldn't care less. Kinda tired of holding back what I want to blog about, but of course I know my limits. So cut me some slack okay?

"Heart breaker". If that is what some of you label me right now then I am here to explain things. You can either try to understand or just stick to your own judgments, that's up to you. But as much as I want to just ignore all these bullshit, it is really getting on my nerves. Kinda want to stand up for myself, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, I was pretty destroyed after my first relationship ended. After that, my "love life" was pretty much messed up because I have issues with trust and faith and all that shit that broken-hearted girls have after they broke up. Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming anybody but myself, honestly. I should have dealt with my issues first before I did anything.

So here's the thing: I'm really really sorry to those whom I've hurt while trying to figure out myself and my needs and wants. But I'm human, I make mistakes, I hurt people and I get hurt. I will own up to my mistakes and I won't say I'm faultless. But maybe some of you should take some responsibility too. Things don't always work out the way we want them to, the best we can do is to accept it, move on and not be bitter about it. Maturity, okay? I cannot force myself to have feelings for anybody and vice versa. I thought that was pretty common sense.

I warned you about everything you are unhappy with about me right now, before. I even confessed to some of the wrong doings but you said I was doing okay. So don't go around putting the entire blame on me, we both had our own faults. Just please keep in mind I'm not born faultless. I make mistakes, small and big ones, and I'm just sorry it had to be you. I know I am assuming but I just wanted you to know this.

And you, I'm sorry I gave up on that possibility. I thought things would work out, but that day really proved me wrong. The only reason why I gave up so fast was because I know that if I stayed like this a little longer, things will be so much uglier. I know I burned you slightly, but I rather that than set you on fire. I feel really bad and guilty and I just want you to know I'm sorry. I really am.

So guys, please understand that I do make mistakes because I'm only human. I feel bad enough so please just give me a break. If I had a choice, I never want any of this to happen. I don't like hurting people, but sometimes I really have no choice. So to the friends and strangers whom I've hurt before, I'm really apologetic. Really.

Phewwwwwwwwww. I ranted enough! Had my say, and I'm going to put this all behind me. Nothing of this sort is going to annoy me, I shall be at peace. A big thank you to everyone who read the entire post, I hope I made myself clear, if you refuse to change your judgement then it's fine, I tried my best :-)

Another thought: Feelings really screw people and friendships up. I'm sick and tired of this shit. Friends or nothing. That's it.

I seriously feel a lot better. Happy posts coming up!